ਕੁੜਮਾਈ

Kurmai (ਕੁੜਮਾਈ) is the Punjabi word for the formal engagement ceremony held before a wedding, also called sagai. The two families meet and bless the match: the bride is draped in an ornate dupatta and given jewellery, the groom is blessed with a tika, and the couple exchange rings.

What does kurmai mean in Punjabi?

Kurmai means the engagement itself: the ceremony that makes a match formal before the wedding day. The Tales of Tradition account also calls it the sagai, and Wikipedia lists kurmai among the pre-wedding ceremonies of a Punjabi wedding, alongside the roka, sangeet and mehndi. After the kurmai the couple are engaged, and the families turn to fixing the wedding date and preparing the celebrations.

In its Sikh form, one widely followed account describes the kurmai at the groom's home or at a gurdwara, opening with a short prayer by the granthi. A red scarf is placed around the groom's shoulders with dried dates, following the granthi's instructions, and an elder feeds the dates to the groom. The bride's family then offers the groom a kara, the steel bangle, as part of the ritual.

What happens at a kurmai?

The bride is draped with a phulkari dupatta, which in some families is an heirloom passed down the generations, and she is showered with gifts, especially jewellery, which her future mother-in-law and sister-in-law help her put on. A tiny dot of henna is applied to her palm for good luck. Her father places the tika on the groom's forehead and blesses him, gifts pass between the two families, and everyone present feeds the couple sweets before the rings are exchanged.

How is kurmai different from roka?

The roka comes first and is simpler. Its name means to stop: it marks the moment the two families accept the match and the couple stop looking at other prospects, and the wedding plans begin. The kurmai is the fuller, formal engagement that follows it, with the dupatta, the tika, the exchange of gifts and the rings. In short, the roka agrees the match, and the kurmai celebrates and seals it.